Regret.

Copyright © Mark R Kelly 2026

Regret is one of life's unintentional diamonds. 

It's not something you find, rather it's something that finds you - no choice, no option. Bang! It's there.

But what is it, really?

"Regret" is generally defined as an emotional response to realising or thinking that a past action, or event was wrong, misguided or missed opportunity, often accompanied by a wish that things had been done differently. It's a mix of disappointment, self-blame and sorrow, sometimes coupled with a desire to undo or change the past - even though we know that is impossible.

In terms of psychology, regret is often tied to decision-making: you regret choices when you perceive that an alternative would have led to a better outcome.

There is also a distinction between: Feeling bad about something you did - 'Action' regret. And it's alter-ego, feeling bad about something you didn't do - 'Inaction' regret.

Some people have a philosophical perspective: as a way to learn from your mistakes - though this can be quite painful, emotionally.

But why compared to a diamond?

Regret has so many facets, each dealing with a different aspect of regret for an individual. Over time these facets acquire their different resonance - hence the diamond analogy. 

To live a life without regret is an impossibility. A life lived with few regrets, is a more realistic, though still difficult, achievement. Regret is a huge spectrum, and unavoidable - mostly.

The likes of your narcissists and sociopaths I would say have a far easier time in dealing with, and especially, avoiding regret. I put this down to their psychological and mental make-up - it 'protects' them from feeling any regret. 

If anything, the issues that might cause them regret are far different from that of the normal person on the street - probably ones that deal with being exposed, found out or caught.

Regret can also be a beautiful thing, though tinged with sadness - they kind that mourns the loss of someone special, and wishing you'd said or done more with that individual.

Or a perfect moment for action, and within a heartbeat it's gone. That opportunity for a stollen kiss, when hesitation is the killer, and you spend forever replaying that moment over-and-over in your mind, is bittersweet - and normal.

Regret is an uninvited companion walking softly by your side, only stopping to quietly point out missed moments, opportunities, often sprinkled liberally with shame, sadness, anger, remorse and many, many other flavours.

From a personal perspective, some of my biggest regrets have stemmed from those moments when I ignored my instinct and went against my gut feeling. And those are ones that still haunt me to this day - not everyday, granted. But they do have a habit of sneaking up on me when I least expect them.

Acceptance is one of the best ways of dealing with regret. Analyse it, remove emotion from it, break it down into bite sized components. 

Like examining a diamond in the light, breaking down regret into facets can reveal clarity, lessons, and even unexpected beauty.

If you can manage to do that, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the cathartic results.

I leave you with Bon Iver and "Holocene (Deluxe)".